A saturday morning always feels more invigorating then its weekday counterpart does it not?
i believe it the lack of activity. it just makes the world seem a little more cool and peacefull. i love it,
another saturday working at zwicker and associates unapreciated and unhappy.
Mckenzie became very angry with me after i told her we werent getting engaged because of how awfully she had treated me last time we did. one must be held accountable
for their actions. so she turned on the blinding light of my computer as well as every other light upstairs in an effort to disrupt my sleep no doubt
and she slept on the couch.
when i inquired of her as to why she slept on the couch she said and i quote
"Because down here is better then being with YOU"
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
June 11th
What monotony this job makes me put up with.
I cant believe that the majority of the human populace lives their every day like this
i should think if my days were consumed by nothing mroe then this horrendous "filing"
that i should live a decidedly short life.
Never to see the mountains, sweeping vistas, high peaks, the oceans depths
opting instead to live within a manmade shell of plasteer and cement.
yet this is how people live and so am i different form them in the fact that i am so extremely
discontent with this way of life?
or does everyone feel this way and they just put up with it and push it aside?
am i being childish to wish all this away, to wish for a more symplistic life of experience and fulfillment?
the conclusion i keep reaching is that most people must feel this way and that it is just my wander lust
of youth which makes me so yearn to escape.
i imagine that will fade as i grow older and i will be more content to become a member of the populace,but
that is why great things must be started young!
I dont want to be another blended uninteresting man shopping at the nearest grocery store and being content
to watch tv and talk to my bland emotional wife all in the name of stability and peace.
I want excitement , travel, experience. i want to see what the world can offer, and then pick that
choice which best fits. A settled life and wife would seem fine then i should think, but acheiving this
level of settlement without first experiencing life seems a tragedy.
I cant believe that the majority of the human populace lives their every day like this
i should think if my days were consumed by nothing mroe then this horrendous "filing"
that i should live a decidedly short life.
Never to see the mountains, sweeping vistas, high peaks, the oceans depths
opting instead to live within a manmade shell of plasteer and cement.
yet this is how people live and so am i different form them in the fact that i am so extremely
discontent with this way of life?
or does everyone feel this way and they just put up with it and push it aside?
am i being childish to wish all this away, to wish for a more symplistic life of experience and fulfillment?
the conclusion i keep reaching is that most people must feel this way and that it is just my wander lust
of youth which makes me so yearn to escape.
i imagine that will fade as i grow older and i will be more content to become a member of the populace,but
that is why great things must be started young!
I dont want to be another blended uninteresting man shopping at the nearest grocery store and being content
to watch tv and talk to my bland emotional wife all in the name of stability and peace.
I want excitement , travel, experience. i want to see what the world can offer, and then pick that
choice which best fits. A settled life and wife would seem fine then i should think, but acheiving this
level of settlement without first experiencing life seems a tragedy.
June 25th
Well ive nto much to say today my mind is pretty blank.
ive just gone out and spaced out for 15 minutes whilst drinking some emergen c so im pretty calm, although not at peace by any means
my mind is actually unusaully blank to the point where i fell like writing about its blankness, so does that mean it isnt blank? because its full of thoguhts about how blank it is?
if it was truely blank there would be no thought to recognize the fact that it is blank
on that note, how can someone with no social life hang out with others who have no social life, doesnt the mere act of them hanging out mean they have a social life, however miniscule?
ive just gone out and spaced out for 15 minutes whilst drinking some emergen c so im pretty calm, although not at peace by any means
my mind is actually unusaully blank to the point where i fell like writing about its blankness, so does that mean it isnt blank? because its full of thoguhts about how blank it is?
if it was truely blank there would be no thought to recognize the fact that it is blank
on that note, how can someone with no social life hang out with others who have no social life, doesnt the mere act of them hanging out mean they have a social life, however miniscule?
many are lax to do so.
what is so abhorrent about writing? the majority of theose i meet feel taht writing is something wholly useless, a thing they are forced to do but do not in the least enjoy.
i see writing as a snapshot of the mind.
pictures preserve moments and scenes, actions.
and like a picture wirintg preserves a thought. how marvelous. a thought which would otherwise be forgotten can be reserved and shared with everyone.
this writing while being releasing is also exhasuting, or perhaps it is just my day as usual.
But how many great ideas have been thought and merely lost to the ether instead of being put on paper for all to benefit from?
too much time spent writing however can elicit a rather cinical view of society and so i ask is it better to become a poor man, destitute for withholding yourself from playing into societies game?
or to be ignorant and live in comfort. so perhaps everyone has already reached this conclusion, and i am merely lagging behind in my revelations?
what is so abhorrent about writing? the majority of theose i meet feel taht writing is something wholly useless, a thing they are forced to do but do not in the least enjoy.
i see writing as a snapshot of the mind.
pictures preserve moments and scenes, actions.
and like a picture wirintg preserves a thought. how marvelous. a thought which would otherwise be forgotten can be reserved and shared with everyone.
this writing while being releasing is also exhasuting, or perhaps it is just my day as usual.
But how many great ideas have been thought and merely lost to the ether instead of being put on paper for all to benefit from?
too much time spent writing however can elicit a rather cinical view of society and so i ask is it better to become a poor man, destitute for withholding yourself from playing into societies game?
or to be ignorant and live in comfort. so perhaps everyone has already reached this conclusion, and i am merely lagging behind in my revelations?
June 22nd Rambling
i GOT IT INTO MY head to go look at medeival torture devices about a week ago and i must say it was shocking.
Ive often hought of how nice it would be to go back to a more simplistic time or live a more symplistic life but i believe
that when thinkining of this i tend to create a very idealised view of these times
it is only when the darker side of life in these times is reveiled that you see that society isnt so bad.
society has always existed excpet now it is more tame and safe
noone has lived truely free and in the wilderness for hundreds of years.
and rightly so becasue this life however idealyc it sounds would be a terrile reality for most
filled with hardship violence disease and cruelty.
i fear ive not articulted my point well enough but i will try anew tomorrow when i have more itme till then adeu
i tire of these days doing naught but working, but what am i to od with the situation i am now in i must or forever lose myself to the poverty ridden realm of bad family life
and accept the absence of money into my soul
i know deep down i will make it in this world
but does everyone??
am i special in my feeling of imminent success or does everyone feel this way?
thats the ultimate question i guess
are we unique at all or are we all the same merely responding to the samesness in different ways does that make us different then despite a fundamental sameness?
Ive often hought of how nice it would be to go back to a more simplistic time or live a more symplistic life but i believe
that when thinkining of this i tend to create a very idealised view of these times
it is only when the darker side of life in these times is reveiled that you see that society isnt so bad.
society has always existed excpet now it is more tame and safe
noone has lived truely free and in the wilderness for hundreds of years.
and rightly so becasue this life however idealyc it sounds would be a terrile reality for most
filled with hardship violence disease and cruelty.
i fear ive not articulted my point well enough but i will try anew tomorrow when i have more itme till then adeu
i tire of these days doing naught but working, but what am i to od with the situation i am now in i must or forever lose myself to the poverty ridden realm of bad family life
and accept the absence of money into my soul
i know deep down i will make it in this world
but does everyone??
am i special in my feeling of imminent success or does everyone feel this way?
thats the ultimate question i guess
are we unique at all or are we all the same merely responding to the samesness in different ways does that make us different then despite a fundamental sameness?
Infinite Probability Chain
At every Moment, Every Second, Every Millisecond there are an infinite number of probable outcomes. take for example a car parked at a stop light
the second that light turns green there an ifinite number of outcomes of what exact directiopn the car will take, what speed it will move with initially
and so on based on the infinite number of ways the operator can turn the wheel or the infinite number of different pressures with which the driver can press on the gas pedal.
Everything has infinite possibilities no matter how minute the varience between the possible outcomes is. There is in situations a cap for these possibilites.
going back to the car example there are an infinite # of ways the car can go but that infinit range is contained within a defined range which is limited by the cars physical abilities. A care can only turn so sharp
so that maximum degree of turn is the bound for the infinite range.
Take another example of a human jumping. there are an infinite # of possible heights that can be acheived but through the act of jumping the height is limited by the particular humans ability
to propell itself upwards and the act of jumping by definition does not propel onesself downward from a standing position,
so the bounds for this situation would be 0 for standing height and the maximum height acheivable based on the strength of the human being in question, so X is infinite when 0
The bounds for the situations are all different depending on the conditions and objects involved.
These moments of infinite probability happen ever nanosecond, the outcome of each of these events invariably leads to another situationwith infinite possibilites based on the outcome of the previously chosen action.
Following this premise it is reasonable to assume that our lives are composed of nothing more then an infinite chain of situations each with its own infinite amount of outcomes.
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