Ive no Title Friends

Cleanliness, I mean of ones character. How many live their lives in the pure, clean way. Does anyone? To make sense i should explain what I mean. I will speak for myself, because I cant truly know whether this applies to anyone else at the moment, I do however know it applies to me. I am not me and that fact is not evident 99% of the time. It is only on strangely fluid, calm nights like these that I see myself from the outside and from the inside. I am like a winter vagrant so wrapped up in filthy shambly layers that you dont know where one begins and the next ends. So all consuming they are that you cant even tell if the man beneath is truly a man any longer or simply some phantom cursed to walk out its demons until it can one day find peace. I digress. I have a core of being that is me, Id like to think its somewhat what child me was like. More carefree more aware of what it likes, simpler, like I said pure. Like me-concentrate, undiluted by everything else. But heaped mound after mound upon that pure expression of humanity are my skins, my shrouds, my rags, and my symbols, by the gods what would I do without the fake righteousness that permeates everything. I go though my day (usually) seamlessly fumbling with these various things showing one bit here before shuffling it away to expose another portions more falsely appropriate for whatever perceived effect is needed. This is somewhat repetitive. I’ve explained it enough for others to understand the point I’m trying to convey, further explanation would just be self congratulatory. ( Oh well done for writing down such shallowly profound ideas!) My point is this, When my wife walks in the door at night I want to great with my face, I want pure and true expressions, not some outer layer that I’ve forced forth out of fear. But conquering fears like that, it can be difficult once they are so very ingrained into your being(<- let the excuses commence!). Ill try( I WILL), and I hope if anyone does the same thing as I that they try to remove their layers too, not all at once, no that seems nigh impossible, but bit by bit. Be truthful, be honest, and expose that most tender of parts( the core of your being) to the world. A grand plan, one i truly doubt ill ever be able to accomplish but just think of it! The mental rewards would be a thing of beauty..... It would be truly living your life. And if some do live their lives this way as I think they do, then I respect you, no matter what you are. If you are able to live a life unclouded by self deception and hatred I will applaud you if ever I get the chance, how brave one must be to risk and ultimately endure the pain that comes from the disapproval, from the assault of that which makes up ones core, so beautiful and fragile and yet amazingly resilient if its allowed to be. One step at a time I suppose, Ill descend the steps and hope I dont find myself within the halls of madness before its all said and done. Everyone has their challenges and their issues, All I can deal with is to try and alter my own behavior and hope that I can hold off the layers from consuming me. I’m looking forward to trying to explain this in person to somebody, (Most likely my Wife!) Rambling Finished. Side note: if you search for "the precipice" in Google maps, at least at this time its conveniently located next to a McDonalds, How Grandly Convenient!